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When I first began dating my husband I met his brother and sister-in-law. She and I talked, eager to get to know each other. I would even go as far to say that we enjoyed each other's company. I cannot put a date to it but, at some point the dynamics of our relationship changed. We are now competing but I am not sure what for.
It plays out at family functions with cheap shots, sly off-the-tongue jabs and continuous animosity. If she complains about her dramatic birth then I mention my effortless labor. If someone compliments the flowers in my garden she is sure to mention she is above gardening. After all, thats "why we have a gardener!" Our "one-upping" each other is abnoxious.
Even as my mother-in-law layed in her hospital bed dying of cancer, my sister-in-law and I "joked" around about who she loved more. As we both proclaimed that we were loved more, my dear, sweet mother-in-law always had the same response, "I love you both the same." Bless her heart for even putting up with us even at the end.
You must understand that my sister-in-law is a nice, christian women. She is adored by many. And likewise, I am a reasonably nice christian woman. We literally bring out the worse in each other. I have never had this kind of relationship before!
Last year, we recieved a Thanksgiving miracle. In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving I prayed that God would hold my tongue and make me be nice towards her. It was a wonderful holiday. When she began to pick and try to instigate, my mouth remained closed. Ladies, my mouth rarely remains closed! It was a true miracle from God!
A few weeks ago I began praying for my tongue and our relationship. For some reason it does not seem to be helping this year. I know I still have a few more weeks but still, I am already annoyed with her. We found out today that our niece and nephew were both saved and scheduled to be baptised this sunday. They did not bother to tell us! My husband happened to call about something else and found out.
I am struggling and need words of encouragement. I long to be positive and well...just plain nice!
I know this is long but I crave the therapy of writing. It has helped even if not one comment is written.
When I first began dating my husband I met his brother and sister-in-law. She and I talked, eager to get to know each other. I would even go as far to say that we enjoyed each other's company. I cannot put a date to it but, at some point the dynamics of our relationship changed. We are now competing but I am not sure what for.
It plays out at family functions with cheap shots, sly off-the-tongue jabs and continuous animosity. If she complains about her dramatic birth then I mention my effortless labor. If someone compliments the flowers in my garden she is sure to mention she is above gardening. After all, thats "why we have a gardener!" Our "one-upping" each other is abnoxious.
Even as my mother-in-law layed in her hospital bed dying of cancer, my sister-in-law and I "joked" around about who she loved more. As we both proclaimed that we were loved more, my dear, sweet mother-in-law always had the same response, "I love you both the same." Bless her heart for even putting up with us even at the end.
You must understand that my sister-in-law is a nice, christian women. She is adored by many. And likewise, I am a reasonably nice christian woman. We literally bring out the worse in each other. I have never had this kind of relationship before!
Last year, we recieved a Thanksgiving miracle. In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving I prayed that God would hold my tongue and make me be nice towards her. It was a wonderful holiday. When she began to pick and try to instigate, my mouth remained closed. Ladies, my mouth rarely remains closed! It was a true miracle from God!
A few weeks ago I began praying for my tongue and our relationship. For some reason it does not seem to be helping this year. I know I still have a few more weeks but still, I am already annoyed with her. We found out today that our niece and nephew were both saved and scheduled to be baptised this sunday. They did not bother to tell us! My husband happened to call about something else and found out.
I am struggling and need words of encouragement. I long to be positive and well...just plain nice!
I know this is long but I crave the therapy of writing. It has helped even if not one comment is written.
posted by Christina | 9:14 PM
5 Comments:
I wish I could offer some advice, but it sounds like you've already got the right attitude about it. I'll be praying for you.
I understand where you are coming from here. I went through a similiar situation and had to decide to either forgive or spend all my time and energy upset and thinking of ways to keep my children away from the "offender". I had to keep remembering it was not what the other person did that mattered it was what I did. God wants us to extend our hand in friendship and forgiveness even when it is not returned, this is a very difficult concept. I too bite my tongue STILL at times but it is by His grace that we are able to have a relationship at all. I hope this helps.
Trish's advice to forgive is so important. It doesn't make the problem go away, but it releases the power of God into the situation.
Have you tried looking the beast in the eye? I don't know your SIL, but what would happen if you arranged some alone time with her and shared your heart--told her pretty much what you've written here. Sometimes getting things out in the open diffuses the tension. The "accuser" loves to keep us thinking negative thoughts about people in our lives. She may feel much the way you do, but in her mind the accuser blames you. If she knows you desire friendship and hate your own part of this mess, she may soften.
I'll be praying for you, Christina.
Love, Jeanne
Ugh...I hear ya. Been there, done that. Venting helps, it really does. Isn't it so true that we marry not only our husband, but his entire family up at that alter ;-)
Ooooh, forgiveness...I have not thought of that. I feel terrible that I have not thought of that! I think that will give me the peace I am looking for. THank you.
As for confronting her with my feelings, hummm. I'm not sure I can do that. I'm not really a talk-about-my-feelings kind of girl. I like to avoid the akward situation and just go home and pray about it!
I think I'll have to pray about that!
Thanks everyone for your help.
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